ubuntu-us-ohio team mailing list archive

[Stephen Michael Kellat <skellat@xxxxxxxxxxxx>]

Some light reading for the weekend...

Stephen Michael Kellat
Point of Contact/Leader, Ubuntu Ohio

Begin forwarded message:

Date: Sat, 16 Nov 2013 16:10:12 -0500
From: oracle-request@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
To: oracle-list@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Subject: Internet Oracularities #1523


=== 1523
=================================================================
Title: Internet Oracularities #1523 Compiled-By: Steve Kinzler
<kinzler@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx> Date: Sat, 16 Nov 2013 16:10:01 -0500 (EST)

To find out all about the Internet Oracle (TM), including how to
participate, send mail to oracle@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx with the word "help"
in the subject line, or go to http://www.cs.indiana.edu/~oracle/ or
http://www.internetoracle.org/  ("Internet Oracle" is a trademark of
Stephen B Kinzler.)

Let us know what you like!  Send your ratings of these 10 Oracularities
on an integer scale of 1 ("very bad") to 5 ("very good") with the
volume number to oracle-vote@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx (probably just reply to
this message).  For example:
    1523
    2 1 3 4 3   5 3 3 4 1

1518  21 votes 27633 34680 56631 44652 28623 13854 23862 36741 16b30
86412 1518  2.8 mean  2.9   2.9   2.5   2.9   2.8   3.4   3.1   2.7
2.8   2.2

--- 1523-01
--------------------------------------------------------------
Selected-By: Tim Chew <twchew@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

> What do you say to someone whose stalking you?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} "Wanna come in?" Oh wait, I thought the question was, "What's the last
} thing you'll say to someone stalking you."

--- 1523-02
--------------------------------------------------------------
Selected-By: Christophe <xof@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

> Oh dear.  I'm sorry for breaking your, um, whatever it was.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} My bad. Maybe we should make a TV show out of it.

--- 1523-03
--------------------------------------------------------------
Selected-By: Tim Chew <twchew@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

> The Riddle Troll never gives up! (Even though he should have by
> now, and cannot succeed in the end, anyway.)

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Hint?

--- 1523-04
--------------------------------------------------------------
Selected-By: Rich McGee <rmcgee@xxxxxxxxx>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

> Order!  I need order!

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} OK.
} I'm ordering scallops, New York strip and Tirimasu.

--- 1523-05
--------------------------------------------------------------
Selected-By: Ian Davis

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

> Does anyone really like those riddles?  I've had no real evidence so
> far.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Hint:

--- 1523-06
--------------------------------------------------------------
Selected-By: Dave <lightinchains@xxxxxxxxx>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

>

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} You are completely misunderstanding what empty threats are all about.

--- 1523-07
--------------------------------------------------------------
Selected-By: "Lawrence, Mark" <lawrence.4@xxxxxxx>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

> I wasn't expecting that!

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM,
} SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM,
} SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM,
} SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM.
}
} No one expects the spammish repetition.

--- 1523-08
--------------------------------------------------------------
Selected-By: "Lawrence, Mark" <lawrence.4@xxxxxxx>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

> Care to fill me in on the details?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Glad you asked. This project has a seven pillars, each composed of
} twenty-three layers, with two year Gantt charts showing dependencies
} within each layer. There are two main problems you need to fix here.
} Firstly, all of the intra-layer and intra-pillar dependencies have
} not been accounted for in the current Gantt charts. Secondly two
} years is far too long for this project. It's supposed to be done
} already and the drop dead (ha ha ha) date is about a month away, so
} you'll need to find a way to trim the schedule without removing any
} features. You'll find all of the project files in a box headed your
} way. You do have a place for the 45' high cube shipping container,
} right? I'll let you keep it on the trailer for now.
}
} I'm so pleased you volunteered to help with "any website problems"
} that came my way. The American People are eagerly awaiting this new
} health care web portal.

--- 1523-09
--------------------------------------------------------------
Selected-By: Christophe <xof@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

> Who, me?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} No, not this time. There has been a system error, and the application
} will have to close. Any work that you have not saved will be lost. A
} new instantiation of your person will be required. Press STOP to
start.

--- 1523-10
--------------------------------------------------------------
Selected-By: Rich McGee <rmcgee@xxxxxxxxx>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

> Is it true that some of the best incarnations are mentally ill, but
> in a good way?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} The best ones do as they are told, and neither avoid the task nor
} invent material that makes me look stupid. As you guessed, all
} incarnations are mental. Some are certifiably mental, and thus have an
} inside track on picking up the subtle nuances in my tone of voice when
} I dictate material to them.
}
} If you ever get the opportunity to serve as an incarnation yourself,
} look on your wall to see if you have a certificate of certification.
} (Sometimes it will resemble a photograph of your grandfather.) Gaze at
} it, mumble to yourself, and avoid typing the dreaded phrase, "How
} Should I Know?" that indicates abysmal failure in the Incarnation
Game. } Seek opportunities to display your correct rendition of my
thoughts } concerning the usual topics, including bagpipes, Milton
Berle, Zadoc, } pigeons (including Tom Lehrer), and anything having to
do with MAD } Magazine. Other unexpected "usual" topics will spout from
my mind } occasionally. Oh, and always (as in ALWAYS) beware thoughts
that might } seep in from my dreaded cousin the Boracle.